A BIG sigh of relief....... : )

The last 7 months have been a roller coaster that we have wanted to get off of.  The results of Brian's last PET scan proved that no more cancer could be seen. (Which doesn't mean we are 100% off the hook, but for now, nothing can be seen.) One of the hard things about cancer is you can never really be sure that you're clear.   Brian is now said to be in "remission", but remission is a tricky word because people assume it means cured- but there's really no way to tell "for sure". Brian will still have monthly check-ups for the next year because it was such an aggressive form of cancer. So for right now, we will take this news and run with it.

We have been truly overwhelmed at the support we have had through this ordeal (and hope we never need that kind of support again!!!). We wish we could personally thank each of you that have helped or served us in any way.

For now we are concentrating on getting back to normal life and preparing for baby #4 to make his appearance in a few weeks (whatever his name is... : ). We'll see who has more hair- the baby or Brian!!

Random thoughts...!

We have not posted for awhile and thought it was time for a new update. Here are a few things we have right now:

• Brian went to the doctor today to find out the results of his latest x-rays, and blood work. Results: everything looks great from those tests! So, we earn ourselves 4 more weeks of freedom and normal life. A pet scan  has been scheduled for mid-October where they will look at the strange spots by his heart and lungs and see if they are still there, what they are doing, and what tests need to be done from there. It is hard not to live every day scared to death over what the next round of results will say, but we have learned to CHOOSE to live normal life, for ourselves and our children.(not easy..)
• Brian is still in "recovery"! Doing well, but tiring quickly. It drives him crazy to not be "normal" yet. He has had the joy of dealing with several of the later side effects of chemotherapy that are not fun, but it's the price of him going through chemo.We(me and the kids) are just glad he's HERE (emotionally and physically)!
• We are busy getting ready for a little baby boy to come to our family in November.  No, we do not have a name for him.... any suggestions?!?
• We have made/are making some minor changes in some of the things we do around here. Some of you may have noticed one- we have decided that just because the phone rings, does not mean we have to pick it up! I have learned that I waste too much time on the phone when my children need me. So, if you need to talk, leave a message! Also, we will rarely pick up the phone after 9 pm. We are both tired and like to spend somewhat uninterrupted time with each other at night.
• Thank you for the continued support and prayers from wonderful family and neighbors. We feel blessed to have you in our lives!

Life as I almost used to know it...

     It has been about a month since my last chemo treatment, and things are slowly getting better. At times I almost forget I was so sick, and then when I look into the mirror I am quickly reminded of the horrendous ordeal I went through. My appetite is back in full, I am no longer sick, but my strength and energy still isn't quite where I would like it. Don't get me wrong I am not complaining. I am grateful for every breath I have. It is so nice to be able to chase the kids around the back yard, granted I can't go for as long because I tire out pretty quick but it is so nice to be able to be a daddy and a husband again. I am back to work full time and I think that has thrown the littlest of the kids for a loop.
     I am so thankful for My family and friends who put their lives on hold, came when it wasn't convenient,  and sacrificed so much for my family while I was down. We couldn't have done it without your help and support. You know who you are and we love and appreciate you. I think Melanie deserves the gold medal for the past 20 weeks. She not only took care of me but kept up the house and took care of our three little blessings. (while pregnant I might add). I had the easy part. I just layed around or slept. I have an appointment  tomorrow and then in another month. After that I have another scan in October to see what is happening if anything in my chest. We are being optimistic that the scans will come back negative.
     As the author Victor Hugo states in his timeless book Les Miserables...Every day I walk with longer steps, I walk with stronger steps, the worst is over. (We hope the worst is over) Life is good, as horrible of an experience as this has been it has been a great experience. I have learned so much about myself, and others around me. I have had my testimony strengthened and my relationship with my Lord and Savior has grown.

A:

Azure, cerulean, cobalt, denim, navy, powder, royal, sky......!

One word......

SURVEILLANCE!

We aren't even sure how to post good news- but to us, this is good news! As many of you know Brian had a PET scan on Tuesday. The scan shows little(meaning we can't see it) or no cancer is his neck, abdomen or pelvis, but still showed some kind of activity in his lung and heart areas. If you are wondering why we consider this good news, here is why: PET scans show metabolic or physiologic activity, so what we are seeing in the heart and lung areas may not be cancer.  The doctor has recommended surveillance for 3 months, at which point another PET scan will be done to see if there has been an increase in activity, at which point we will know for sure what it is. We will find out the results of that scan in October. So we aren't saying he's cured (yet), but this is good news and there is GREAT progress! We can actually say that if all turns out well that we have experienced a miracle.

So... normal life, here we come (for at least 3 months)! Brian is ready to get back to his running and  the thought of going back to work even gets him excited. It is going to take a while for him to get his energy back, but we are just excited that he isn't going to be as sick and exhausted as he has been over the past 10 weeks.

Words cannot express the gratitude we have for all of you that have helped us in any way, prayed for us, and fasted for us! We have no doubt that it has helped! 

Fundraiser

We had a wonderful turnout at the fundraiser that our friends did for us. Thank you so much to any of you that participated or helped in any way. It was a wonderful success and our family is so grateful for the great support that we have. Thank you to family and friends who drove long distances to support us! It was so awesome to see you! It was also fun to meet so many new people and make some new friends. We wish we could have talked to and thanked everyone personally but there was not enough time and so many people. Thank you for the generous donations and auction items you donated.

A big THANK YOU to the Dunn family and the Schiess family, who were the masterminds behind all of the wonderful planning! We love you and know you will be blessed!

Here are a few pictures from that night: the runners at the starting line, strollers and bikers heading out, candy shoot for the younger kids, just a FEW of the people that helped put the whole thing together, our family by the end of the night (yep-we're all tired...)

Fundraiser Information

More waiting games...

For those of you that are wondering, here is what is up next for us....
-Brian has a PET scan next week to determine the effectiveness of 3 rounds of chemotherapy.
-We find out on July 12th whether or not a 4th round is needed. We are crossing our fingers that we can be done now, but also preparing for the possibility of another round.... but REALLY hoping it isn't necessary! If you could add us to your prayers this coming Sunday (fast Sunday) that we receive happy news at this appointment, we would greatly appreciate it! : )
-The whole family is ready to get back to "normal" life... whatever that is! Brian is ready to eat a normal meal without getting sick, walk out to get the mail without getting winded, and get back to work.
-We find out on July 13 if we should be thinking in pink or blue!
-We have been very blessed with help from both friends and family in many different ways and continue to be in awe of the many angels we have among us! THANK YOU!
-Also- thank you to those of you that have already or will support in the fundraiser that is mentioned below- once again- we are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family!

Ragnar Relay 2010

The Wasatch Back Relay is one of my favorite races of the year. This year however it was a little different. Usually I am excited to see how fast I can run each of my legs, I enjoy eating junk food and partying with my team, and I feel like I am invincible. As for this year.... it was all I could do to even run my legs, I had to be careful of what I ate so I wouldn't get any more sick than I already was, and I felt like, well, let's just say I didn't feel invincible. 

With all that aside what an incredible experience! It was one of the hardest things physically I have ever done. The team I was on was amazing. I was  in van one with one of Melanie's sisters, three brothers-in-law, and a friend. There is no way I could have done it without their support. One of my brothers-in-law even shaved his head in support of my craziness.

My first leg was pretty difficult. I didn't know how to manage how I would feel as I ran, or the proper pace to take so I didn't completely burn myself out at the start. Luckily we were about an hour ahead so I could take my time. My cute family was waiting for me at a church just before exchange 7. It was nice to stop and take a little breather and visit for a few minutes with them.

The hardest part was finding some way to rest. Chemo gives you an exhaustion that even sleep doesn't help. So every chance I had to lay down and rest, I took it. Nothing really helped, and no food really sounded very good.

My second leg was awesome. Extremely hard but it was a night run which are my favorites. It was a taxing 8 mile run from Morgan up East Canyon. It was all I could do to keep my legs moving. The encouragement and cheers I would receive from other teams and other runners was surprising but helped keep me going. Each time I felt like I couldn't go another step someone would pass by me and give some words of encouragement, or one of my team members would be there with a drink for me. It is funny how the timing was always perfect. Towards the end of the climb all I could think about was a meatball sub from subway they had waiting for me in the car.

My last leg through Heber City was pretty much just going through the motions. I had to walk most of it due to exhaustion, but the support from my team and other teams was overwhelming. After the race we had a little party in one of the suites at the Sun Dial Resort compliments of the American Cancer Society. They even had a nice medal for finishing the race.

I feel blessed to have even been able to run this year but even more blessed to have been on such a great team. Below is an article that the Deseret News printed.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700043762/Runner-is-providing-inspiration.html

Getting through this...

Today I'm trying to think of happy thoughts to get me through my day. It has been a rough couple days. The end of the round 2 of chemotherapy has not been kind to Brian. I can not express how difficult it is to see my vibrant, active husband so sick and tired in bed that he can literally barely get up. I wish I could solve it and make everything all better... for that matter ANYTHING better! 

It has been an interesting experience for us to have the sacrament arrive at our doorstep every Sunday morning. It offers a different light on it when you have young men blessing it in your bedroom with birds chirping out the window. It has also shed a different perspective on what our Savior has gone through. As Brian said this morning, while talking about the amount of suffering that Christ went through for just him, it is hard to comprehend the suffering he went through for everyone, (Brian said, "Poor Guy!").
I was sent a link for this lds youtube video awhile ago, but hadn't had a chance to open it. It is worth your 8 minutes-just grab a tissue before it starts! It also gave me a good perspective to keep in mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHDvxPjsm8E

I am on the hunt for uplifting quotes to keep around the house. Short ones that will help me get through another day when things are hard. (Please don't send me: "This too shall pass!") Any happy, spiritual, funny, uplifting about kids, life in general. I would appreciate any you would like to share!

THANK YOU SO MUCH... to dinners that arrive on our doorstep, anonymous donations in our account recently, family and friends so willing to help out with anything! Once again, you will never understand what large and small acts of service/ help do for us right now. You WILL be blessed for your efforts!

Cycle 2 day 2

       Here it is the end of day two. I have forgotten how miserable this whole process is. I felt pretty good last week.  I was able to get in a few runs, actually do my own yard, and eat almost anything I wanted.  But nowI sit here on the verge of vomiting, headache, and it feels like I have battery acid running through my veins.      

       My chest and lungs are burning  and it hurts to breathe, and I feel like I just finished a 200 mile race. Not the most pleasant combination of feelings I must admit. However things could always be worse at least I  am vertical for the moment. I did however change the brakes on Melanie's van today. (they really needed it)

         It still feels like a dream. I keep waiting to wake up and have all my hair, feel well, and be able to walk up our 15 stairs to go watch the kids play in the loft without getting winded. This whole experience has given me appreciation for the small things in life. To be able to eat a meal instead of staring at it hoping I can keep it down. (having a meal even sound good or even wanting to eat is a good start)  Sleeping through the night, being able to go for a walk with my sweetheart, drinking a glass of water with out pain, being able to enjoy playing with my children. Being able to lay flat on my back without 2-3 pillows.

           I definitely couldn't go through this with out the help of my dear wife. Melanie sterilizes the house each night before we go to bed. (no small task)  She is constantly asking me what sounds good to eat. She is willing to do anything for me at the drop of a hat and never complains. She wakes up every time I roll over in bed and asks me if I am ok and what she can do. She sits for five hours a day in the chemo suite just to be with me while I am getting treatments. She watches me as I am on the verge of tears from the nausea and pain and tells me she wishes she could do more for me. I am a very blessed husband.

         It is a good feeling to know that I am almost half way through my treatments. If I can just make it to the end of next week, I should start feeling better. We have been so blessed through this whole process a BIG THANK YOU to all our friends and family who have sacrificed so much to ease our burdens. You are in our prayers and may the Lord bless you for all you have done for us.

Hair today, gone tomorrow!

As we had been told, Brian's hair began to fall out right on schedule. He decided to avoid pulling it out in bunches and just shave it off. It was quite shocking at first, but now we are used to it. He is enjoying it more than we thought he would.. (real hard to get ready for the day- get dressed..... and well get dressed!) We have been asked several times if it has fallen out yet, so I made Brian get his beauty shot tonight! He was a good sport about it- even with the neighbor driving by laughing at him!

(You still look awesome babe, if I do say so myself!)
The kids were shocked at first, but now seem to be used to it. Brian tells kid #3 (20 months) to touch it, which she barely does, pulls back and just looks at him with a disgusted look on her face-"Ok Dad, I humored you...!)